Non-Jews are for practice
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
