so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
