so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
