Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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