About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
