i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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