whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
