i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
