I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
