Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
