Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
