Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
