I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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