dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
