I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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