Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
