So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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