I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
