the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
