Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
