i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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