please come you make the beer taste better
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
