Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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