i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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