I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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