Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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