So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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