Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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