he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
