Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i already hear my dad disowning me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
