i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
