the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
where are you?
Hypothermia
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
