I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
