I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
