my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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