remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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