How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
