i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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