As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
