you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
