Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
