people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
