it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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