Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
