The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
