You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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