omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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