Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
