you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
