So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the condom got lost in my hair
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
