We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
