i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
