If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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